Choosing Your Groomsmen: No Matter What They Say, Nobody "Must" Be In the Wedding Party
By Jennifer Baumann
Your lovely fiancée has chosen her 'maids, and now you're stuck with the task of finding just the right number of family and friends to pair them with. How do you decide who makes the cut?
The Usual Suspects
Remember: No matter what your family or friends say, there aren't people who "must" be in the wedding party. Select buddies you're close with-not guys you feel obligated to ask. If you're unfamiliar with wedding etiquette, however, here are the "usual" rules for including groomsmen in your wedding party.
Brothers-yours and your bride's-come first. Unless there are strange circumstances (if you don't speak to your brother, for instance), your brothers and her brothers are automatically in the wedding party. Next come your closest friends (some may be relatives) who are responsible-and let's get real here-financially sound. Being in a wedding, especially if travel is involved, is expensive.
The Best Man for the Job
We'd like to advise you to ignore anyone who offers input on choosing your best man, but we know this isn't entirely realistic. We will say, however, that you'll want to choose the male who is closest to you and has been there for you. Whether he's a blood relative or close friend, you'll be glad when your wedding day arrives that you picked your best friend.
Great Expectations
When you begin asking your friends to stand up in your wedding, be sure to explain what's expected. The basics include:
- Travel and accommodations
- Attend the rehearsal and dinner
- Renting tuxedo and shoes
- Attend tuxedo fittings
- Help plan and attend the bachelor party
- Seat guests at the wedding
- Walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid (maybe)
- Dance with same bridesmaid
- Wedding gift (unspoken requirement, of course!)
If this is manageable for your buds, you're in business.
Who Doesn't Make It
Keep in mind that a lot of money (whether it's yours is inconsequential) and effort are being spent on the biggest day of your life. You don't want to start your lifetime commitment with the following burdens (trust me, I'm a wife): friends who get too drunk, who are late for everything, and who have a reputation for not showing up for important events. These guys are not the best choice for groomsmen. If there's any doubt about whether your skiing buddy, "GanjaDaddy," will fulfill his duties, you probably shouldn't ask him. We suggest, based on horror stories we've heard and witnessed, that you choose your most responsible friends for this very special day.
This doesn't mean you load your wedding party with a bunch of stiffs. You know what we're saying. Keep it reasonable.
Jennifer Baumann is editor of Wedding Gazette, the resource for real-world wedding planning that's packed with info on how to plan your budget, how to avoid killing certain family members, exhaustive theme ideas, plus tons of resources on finding favors, necessary accessories, gifts for your groomsmen [http://www.weddinggazette.com/content/004499.shtml], and much more.
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